Baby and Me
By: JOSH GROSSGUTH
So there I was Standing in the middle of the ocean!
Like Jesus… kinda! It was like I was
floating on water but only to my surprise I was standing on an orca! Yes! A blue
tealish Orca! She was a beauty! I was standing on this girl for at least 2 hrs
just humming above the water floating along the drifty sea the smell of salt in
the air! We must have drifted 100 miles or so my feet were getting tired! But
enough about me the poor baby Orca was swimming so graciously and smooth
through the water like a hot knife cuts through butter! You swear this was a
scene from the chronicles of Narnia! Anyhow the orca and I we gliding along the
Bahamas roughly 15 miles of the shoreline now, breezing through the ocean and
seaweed floating by! I never felt so liberated in my entire life!
Coming close to shore we made it
to the island in one piece. The orca skidding on in to sunnys sand beach. A
rush of salty air snorts up my nose!
Anyway I jump of the fucking Orca and rush to the nearby coconut trees!
HAHAH there was about 150 ripe cocos just there, mine for the taking! I quickly
climbed the coco tree like a mad ape threw the cocos from the top and watched them
hit the ground below me! I jumped about half way down the tree landing on my
feet and dug head first into the cocos.
I grabbed
a nearby rock and bashed the cocos open spilling milky white coconut juice all
over. I ate 20 -30 of these cocoas in a
matter of minutes my stomached was about to explode! I stashed some up and ran back to the shore
line to give some of my coco to the baby Orca. When I got there the Orca was
dead. Lying on its back bathed in the sun, it forgot to go back into the water
stupid fuck! I pushed the whale back into the water and watched it float away.
It must have floated 20 yards or so out before a wave took it under and could
no longer see the baby orca! I threw a coconut right at it I swear I hit it and
that was that.
Resting on the beach the sun was
starting to burn my skin so I poured the coco juice all over me and yes it
helped but I also stunk like coco. As I bathed in the coco I heard a noise in
the brushes. I looked over and there was a fucking pirate about to blow me to smithereens
with a baronet. You know those old pirate guns that puff out black misty smoke
as the fire off! So I’m looking at this pirate right is his right eyes I mean his
right eye…eyes…wait…he had one eye! He was a pirate so yea Only one eye! RRR! Ok so this bloke is about to blow me away
right and here outta nowhere comes King fucking kong straight outta the bushes
with a sac full of cocos and hucks them right at the pirate! SQUASH! Like it
was nothing this Giant Ape like saved my fucking day! The pirate was no more
the Giant ape started to roar! He pounded on his chest claiming his territory
and jumped back into the forest of trees.
As I stood there in awe with a
near death experience I ran to where the pirate once was. Unclothed the poor
man taking his stripe white & red shirt, his brown shaggy pants, his pipe,
shoe and his peg leg for protection. The
gun was gone Kong must have took it!
Making my way back to the
shoreline I notice a light off into the distance! This was not your ordinary
light this was a bluish purplish with a hint of green sparkle light that was
just so extraterrestrial. This came
closer getting brighter every second. Focus on the light I could almost make it
out! But just as quickly as I saw this light it disappeared or should I say
submerged.
The light went under water and I
could see a faint glow among the top area of the water. I don’t know what this
was only I was a bit frightened. The
water above looked …Yes it was…the water actually started to boil right above
the light. What could this be I never seen anything of this nature. Suddenly
the light shot right out the water rocketed right into space! It was a fucking
USO (unidentified Submerged Object!) It
shot so fast out that water there was a misty trail of water that went from
ground zero all the way in to fucking outer space! I was now so focused on this
light just hovering in space! Must have
been just on the brink of the atmosphere where space and ozone meet. Then something incredible happened. The USO
hovered its way back down to earth and tranquilized with its glowing abduction
ray! I couldn’t believe it, this was it. Standing there looking at this thing
was almost as good as seeing my grandma go slap happy! So there it was shinning
its beam down in the most peculiar way. The light beams scanned the waters, you
could hear this craft humming. Almost sounded like the Ice cream man at one
point. Blasting its ray into the ocean a miracle was taking place. YES! The
baby Orca was rising out of the water. With the water dripping from the baby it
started to wiggle. It wiggle so much it looked as though it danced right out
the woom. It was coming back to life. What was going on here was a true
blessing. Life from beyond had resurrected the dead!
The Orca came alive, wiggled its
way out the beam of light and splashed back into the ocean. The tail flapped the
waters top and that was the last ever saw of the baby orca. I cried and threw
one last coco in to the water in remembrance of my baby friend orca.
I shouted” You’re my boy blue, You’re
my boi!” and that was that!
JOSH
GROSSGUTH
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